Ask Karen About Crystals

Email from Readers for the Week ending August 8, 2003

Finding Love After A Bad Relationship
Dear Karen,
 I was wondering if you could help me. I never seem to have much luck  with men, I mean...I have been in 2 relationships in my life one when I was 17-21 and the other 21-26. I am 26 and there is never a day when I wished I was settled down and content...but I always seem to pick the wrong types. I was wondering about a stone/crystal which  might help me...?? Silly question I know but at the moment I don't seem to be having much luck or maybe I am trying too hard...I just want to be happy!!
Many thanks.   ~ Joan, U.K.

I asked Joan to provide more information. ~Karen

Dear Karen,
Thanks for replying, ok!! here goes:
I split up from my ex when I was 17-21 as he really wasn't the right type - quite arrogant and we were two different people from different backgrounds. He drifted into another relationship and I did that was when I met Ian from 21-26, I loved Ian for Ian...very understanding but I desperately  needed someone to lean on as I never had that from the first relationship, and was quite scared to be on my own so I really depended on him for the first 3 years. He admitted he enjoyed looking after me as I suffered severe depression when I first split from the ex....So then we bought a house together 4 years on and we eventually grew apart...I never had any physical feelings for him so we ended up just like friends....on my part!! since then I have been in and out of relationships and still looking for someone to make me happy!!! I am insecure at the moment and seem to think someone will make me happy as I have never actually been single since I was 16....
Thanks, Joan

Dear Joan;
Ahhh...o.k., Got it, Joan;
Wow. You are really in the middle of personal growth and need a supportive crystal to help you through this next shift. I don't mean to stereotype you, but really you are in the similar position of  many other women who need to find their independence. Age has nothing to do with it !!! Think about it!! You've been in a relationship since you were 16 years old. This earlier relationship would not have allowed you to find yourself as a person (gee, you were only a teenager!). You would have been engaged in looking after the needs of someone else, perhaps even putting your own needs aside to look after a home and "husband".  In fact, it sounds like you do need to be cared for. Remember that joke about being a "high maintenance" woman on the TV show, "Sex & The City" ? Well, that's you ! You settled down early in life, as a teenager, not as an adult. Actually, you have been in a "10 year" relationship, spread amongst two "husbands" and no doubt you are feeling "divorced" after all this. So, ... handle it like a real divorce and grieve the loss fully ! The space you are in is actually very good for you! Stay single and uncomitted for a bit while you get on with your self-development. Now is the time to find out what the adult in you wants in a relationship. Dating is good. Did you know that there was a study done that found men dated way more than women, allowing them to be more detached about their relationships yet also following a natural process of elimination and selection of the best characteritics amongst the pool of their dates! You go girl !

Here is what is happening:
#1 - Fear - you will invite into your life exactly what you need to learn about. In this case its about yourself, being ALONE, completely empty, by yourself  -  to fully understand what and who you are. You can't fill a full cup, so you will need to empty the past out first. Take the time to do this and don't rush a natural process. Hold off any commitments and let this expansive process happen. When you become comfortable with yourself, that is when you will find your personal stability with another  in a  relationship. You will learn to carry the relationship differently and maturely. In other words, you will be changed inside as a person, so you will not attract the same type of relationship. I think this  is a great time to give it a rest and look after yourself. I strongly suggest that despite how you feel, go into your loneliness and really feel it. You will learn from it and grow stronger for it. It can be a very transformative experience and can happen very quickly if you stay with it.. Also, if you feel you need someone to hold your hand, try consulting with a therapist for a few sessions (maybe 2-4) and see if that brings further clarity. I think you have a lot ahead of you. Your most productive career years will be coming from age 28 - 35.

The Number One crystal for you to use is ROSE QUARTZ, and lots of it. This crystal is for your self- acceptance, to keep your Heart open despite the pain and discomfort of broken relationships, to give you the love you need for yourself. The effects of wearing the Rose Quartz are that you should become much softer inside, maybe even some extra crying will occur to empty out the stuff from all those relationhips . You may even see yourself finding children more attracted to you. As you become more receptive, your Heart will open and the Love will come and go freely instead of conditionally. This will also give you a chance to really feel your emotions, and when you are in touch with them, you will be able to say "no" appropriately and "yes", unconditionally in a relationship.

Wear a large a piece of Rose Quartz at the Heart Chakra. Size should be not less than 2 inches. You may find a chunk in the shape of a heart as a
pendant. If you can, put it on a gold necklace to refine your vibes. The two work really well together. Since I am suggesting other crystals for you too, you can put them all on the same chain for the Heart. Wear them all, everyday for at least 2-4 months. Remember to cleanse them in salt water (1 or 2 tablespoons of salt in 8 oz. water for at least 7 hours) every 2 weeks or so. This will clear the negativity off them as they work on your energy to make the changes.

#2 - Feeling sorry for yourself. Oh well... That's bound to happen when your self-esteem has been hit. CARNELIAN, an orange crystal is very very good to help you but you will need to wear it at your Heart Chakra for about 4 months to get the stability it offers. You've got some catching up to do with yourself ! Parts of you are still 16 years old !

#3 - Lacking spiritual connection. We could all use a boost in this area. Try some positive affirmations (search the Internet for them).
Such as:
"I, Joan, am willing and able to accept who I really am.",
"I, Joan, am able to enjoy life for all it has to offer." ,
"I, Joan, am willing to accept all that I create in my life."...
Try these three affirmations, repeat as a set of three  3 times a day MINIMUM. Add about another 7 and you will have something to really work on. Keep going regardless, for 21 days and then keep going  for another 6 weeks after that until you feel stable!!

If you are able to get a large AMETHYST cluster or even a smaller Amethyst crystal (or SELENITE or PURPLE FLUORITE), you can lie down with the crystal at your crown chakra for a 20 minute meditation a few times a week. This will help open up your intuitive channel to further guidance from your Higher Self and beyond. You can even sleep with the crystal under your pillow or at the top of your head. Also, listen to your dreams and what they are telling you. You have the answers, you just need to listen deeply and take the  risk that your answers are the best thing for you ! Also you will need to examine why you are on this planet ?  So why ARE you on this planet, Joan ?  - What is your deeper spiritual reason to be here ?

I hope this will help provoke some thought in you. You are at the "right age" to come out spiritually and find a path for yourself. Explore and
have fun !!
Love & Light to you. Joan !
Karen Ryan
Crystal Energy Therapist

The follow-up from Joan:
Dear Karen,
Many many thanks for all your help, all this now makes sense to me and yes there is a lot of growing up to do and really understand what I want from life, hence the reason why I split from my last relationship as I knew I needed time out from myself. I am experiencing all sorts of changes and really enjoying life at the moment, sometimes I am lonely and other times quite content....but the times I feel content I have never been happier!!! but yes the times I am on my own and feel low can really hit rock bottomI know how to pick myself up and feel better.
Many thanks once again, take care    ~joan

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Last Updated: 03/08/23
Web Author: Karen Ryan,
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